Open letter to people who "key" cars

Greetings key wielders and enemies of car paint,

I wanted to send you a letter of thanks.  Thank you so much car-keying person!  I mean it sincerely, with that nice, decorative wave design all down the side of my car made by your artful key stroke - I know that my car is still nice enough that really, really insecure and small minded people feel  threatened enough by it's mere presence in a parking lot - to try and make themselves feel better by harming someone else's property.

I'm a pretty considerate driver.   Under normal circumstances - I use my turn signals, don't crowd people when I park, drive the speed limit and when I can - try to allow people to merge in easily.   Additionally I do not have any sort of bumper sticker or other car decoration that others might object to, I have nothing at all decorating the outside of my car.  So indeed the only reason I can think of why someone may wish to key my car - is that it is a nice looking, if not old (helooooooo tape deck!), car. 

I'm also happy you did it because what goes around comes around.   Think of that and don't complain when something nasty happens to you next.  And that you are an insecure, weak minded person.  And I do need to be reminded that not everyone is fair, honest and decent in society.  So think of that next time you see a decent looking car and think to yourself how much fun it would be to harm someone else's property. 

Facebook Behaviors

Alright, I was going to make this a more equal opportunity post and call it social media behavior, but to be honest I haven't been on Myspace actively since they started putting games on there, I don't think I'm linked in, Google Plus or Google Circles or whatever it is, may as well call itself Google Questionmark since confuses me to bits and pieces, and I'm not a big twitter-wit, so that's right, facebook – I'm picking on you directly!

Well, maybe not directly. More like certain of facebook users. I myself am not exempt. Recently I posted this as a status update.

"I know, I'm about to do something that is one of my pet peeves on facebook - and post something that has meaning for me and no one else - but here goes, it is just so fitting in this case. "It wasn't that bad, afterall".

And it got me to thinking – what are facebook behaviors that irk me, and why? And mind you – I don't mean to single anyone out, no offense intended – as I myself have done some of these, but here we go! In no particular order - a short list of irksome facebook behaviors.

1. Ending a friendship/name calling - in public posts on facebook. It just goes to show how insecure the "ender/name caller" is. And how much they need attention. If you have something to take up with me, take it up with me, in private – or don't complain if the same gets done to you.   I have recently had this happen to me, which led me to go ahead and do irksome behvior #2.
   
   
2. Posting enigmatic messages that no-one understands - about a third party. I'm sure we've all seen this type of post – I've even done it – posts that read, - I've been hurt by a trusted person now I'm upset and need to vent about it on here and in public ramble ramble, incoherent feelings etc..... And the reason these irk me is because the original doesn't specify who or what. Sometimes these posts lead to people who aren't correct party responding with hurt feelings, thinking that they are the offensive person. Or sometimes there are mutual friends involved. True, I did it myself. I didn't list the person's name and for the above reasons I took my post down after a brief amount of time, too.
3. Complaining about your friend's posts. Eg. I'm so tired of reading about politics, the weather, music, sunshine, lollipops, etc.... people should just use facebook to post things that I like to read about! While I totally agree – there are some topics I'm tired of hearing about, there are some people that feel strongly about these things. They should have the right to use their facebook wall to say whatever it is they want to. I think facebook is a tool that people use to get into things that mean a lot to them. So if I have a friend who posts a lot of things on a theme that I do not particularly like - I simply hide them from my newsfeed. There. Easy. Friendship saved, and I don't have to go insane because of the tiresome topic being on my feed all the time.

4. Posting enigmatic messages about your own issues. While it isn't hugely tiresome to me... posts that read something like this example– I have a lot of stress right now. I know my real friends care about me. Make me feel like the original poster doesn't consider me a real friend, since I don't even know what the "lot of stress" is. If I don't know, how can I care or act concerned? If it is so hush hush, why put it up on facebook in public, anyway?

5. People who get offended by comments asking questions about controversial posts. - You posted it. Unless the replies are rude – if people are simply asking questions it is time for you to take ownership of that. You posted on something you knew to be a touchy topic.  

6.) People complaining about videos or pictures that are meant to be fun or cute. Take this example – A chubby faced girl sings a few seconds of a Christmas song. Her hair is done to resemble a who from "The Grinch", and she wears no make up. It is meant to be funny and yet most of the posts on it are about how fat or unattractive she is. To that I say – so what? She has her hair done oddly and no makeup. This obviously isn't meant to be a beauty post.  

Hope house and the life changing paradigm

A Stay at the Hope Lodge

It feels like years since things have felt somewhat normal, even though, as I write this it has been less than 4 months since my mom went for what we thought was a routine small procedure, only to be told that they suspected cancer at that time.  It felt like someone had poured an entire bucket of ice cubes over my head and I remember feeling numb.  Cancer.   It is a big, scary word.  For awhile I was scared to even let myself say it.   Cancer.   It’s a big, scary word that can be worked with, dealt with, treated and yes…. cured. 

My mom, the brave one, the one who doesn’t complain, the patient and kind one.  My mom is my best girlfriend and my mom.  Even yet if I allow myself to dwell too much on the fact of what she has to deal with it bothers me almost to the point of melt down.   But that doesn’t help anyone, now does it?  So, no… try to not think about it too much.  Stay in a positive mood.  “A Merry Heart Doeth Good Like a Medicine”, Proverbs 17:22.  A Bible verse that provided my mom with a lot of comfort during her first bout with cancer, and one that still provides her with much comfort even now.  Taking the Biblical advice is wise.

On May 31^st 2013 my mom had surgery to remove the tumor.   It was a big surgery, taking around 6 hours.  I don’t think I have ever been more nervous, anxious or stressed out.  I remember feeling totally helpless.  I remember feeling so much strife, that all emotions and thoughts and feelings seemed very distorted to me.  I was so thrilled to see the surgeon in the waiting area, telling us the operation had went well, my headache went from headache to room spinning dizziness.  I have seen my mom with make up and fancy clothing- however I don’t think she’s ever looked as beautiful as she did to me in the recovery room, still groggy but smiling.

For 6 days after the surgery my dad and I stayed at the Hope Lodge,  a place for people with cancer and / or their caregivers to stay, for free.  While not quite a hotel (eg. Having to clean one’s own room), the Hope Lodge was still very nice, with many areas to watch tv, get away and/or socialize.  But what struck me more than the place itself, were the people.   In many ways the Hope Lodge was life changing for me.

On the “outside” – a lot of people are consumed by possessions and/or appearance of things.  Things seem more superficial, on the “outside”.  I was reminded several times of one of my “friend”s who, the previous week had told me in so many words that it was alright for men to treat her rudely when she was heavier.  Based on that statement it would appear that her entire self worth were based on the size of her pants.  Meanwhile at the Hope Lodge – these people are focused on one thing.   The fight against the demon cancer.   It seemed obvious that for a lot, if not all of the people – comfort and health took priority and looks were a mere secondary to not only health and comfort, but also attitude.  There was an underlying camaraderie, and people seemed truly to be looking out for each other, as fellow houseguests brought together with this thing in common. 

 

The other thing that seemed more obvious at the Hope Lodge then in the real world was the idea that everyone has a story. Who people are, where they’re from what they’re going through and perhaps – the most obvious – how they’re dealing with things – is all very real and important.  From the man who would spend hours at a time, seemingly in one position working on puzzles in the community room – to the lady who enjoyed getting in on free luncheons  …  every has a story and everyone’s story is important. 

 

My mom is recovering slowly and I hope and pray to never have to spend time as someone staying at a hope lodge ever again – but I also know that I will never forget it. 

 

 

Body acceptance, health and goals

Hi there.   I haven't written in awhile.   I guess life has been life and has thrown me a few curves lately.  Some stressful and some wonderful all at the same time.   And I've been doing a lot of thinking.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about some of  the women I know.  It seems like most of the women I know don't like their bodies in one way or another.  Skinny wants to be taller.  Thin wants hips.  Curvy wants a flat tummy.  Busty wants less and skinny mini wants more.  Seems like almost everyone wants to be some combination of shorter,taller,heavier,thinner,scuplted,bustier,athletic.  And even at that, we're only talking bodies.  Make no mention of anything facial like curly/straight hair, wrinkles, lines, tan, no tan, and etc. 

Isn't it a huge waist, uh - waste of time?  Of course some people argue that they want to look * a certain way* for health's sake.  Well I for one refuse to believe that out of all of the body types there are that only one look (which is usually unattainable for most women) - is "healthy". 

Now I'm not saying you can't want to better yourself, but when your self worth hangs on what size pants you wear?   Seriously. 

I overheard some women talking at the gym.   These women weren't overweight, nor were they thin.   They looked average.  They were taking turns on the huge scale in the women's locker room - and talking about counting the number of chips they are the night before at a party.

How frivolous.  Be happy that you were at a party, in the first place.  How much fun are you, if you spend the night wishing to iunduldge in the goodies but you're too busy counting the calories in the thimble of salsa you just ate.

It reminds me that these women are looking for love.   I don't just mean something temporary.  I mean it reminds me that they are trying to fill a void.   Maybe they aren't.   But something like that could be better served as furthering your Spiritual walk with God.   And what about bettering yourself as a person?  Delve into a hobby.  Learn something new.  Like one fake friend of mine used to complain, over and over again about being single.  She didn't really talk about much of anything, other than her problems.   Well, what always struck me is - even if she met the right man - what would they have to talk about?   How miserable she is being single?

 Or, perhaps even better - volunteer somewhere.  Push wheelchairs.   See people who would be thankful for something simple, like being able to walk distances - and maybe this type of person wouldn't be so concerned with that huge extra 20 calories from the 5 rasins they had in their morning cereal. 

Maybe they would see that "beauty" is more varied than the half starved look that a lot of runway models sport.

On the other hand - how could the media keep selling women diet pills, diet plans, and millions of "look enhancing" products of various sorts, if women didn't feel that their looks were faulty?

Are politeness and common courtesy slowly dissolving out of society?  As someone who enjoys live music – I like going to see bands, and what’s more – I like to dance.  I dance my own way, and have fun.  Recently though I’ve noticed some of the men at these particular bars and their behaviors…  so I would like to write the following guide for some of these hapless and irritating types.   You may thank me later.

11.)     If you would like to get my attention:  please feel welcome to touch my shoulder, back or arm.   These are all appropriate and fine places to touch me, because after all we are strangers.   After such, feel welcome to smile and introduce yourself.  A simple “Hi, my name is…..”  is fine.  This approach is far superior to grabbing my a*s or trying to clutch my chest like some kind of drunk/zombie pervert.  If I’m in a good mood I’ll walk away from you or ignore you.   If I’m in a bad mood I’ll tell you to get off of me , and if I’m in a bad mood and you persist – you may end up getting kicked. 

22.)     Coming up behind me (again a total stranger) and trying to dry hump me is…. In a word, disgusting.   I don’t know you, and, actually I don’t even care how drunk you are – what in your warped little mind said that this was a cool move?  Did I ask you to touch me?   No.    I do not want your junk anywhere near my junk.  You will not get a favorable response from me.  And then some of these guys have the brass tacks to try this – travel around the dance floor, girl to girl trying to either hang off of them or dry hump.   You look like a total dumbas* when you do this, you look like an unfixed dog trying to hump legs. 

33.)    I know, some people like to indulge in a few drinks – nothing wrong with that - and I know the dance floor can get pretty crowded – but seriously, it is not so crowded that you have to step on my feet in order to get where you’re going.   My feet are directly under me.  Additionally – while I know it can be tricky to make your way through a crowded floor – you seriously do not need to mow me over if you slowly move through the crowd chances are I’ll see you and move out of your way.   I’m pretty polite that way. 

And it doesn’t stop there at the bar.  Or with men.

44.)    Fellow drivers – your turn signal is located conveniently  near your steering wheel.  Please utilize it.  I mean I guess I’ll figure out that you’re turning after you come to an almost complete stop in the middle of the road without it – but too many times I’ve almost gone around some of you in the direction of your turn. While we’re at it, let’s revisit traffic lights and their meanings.  Green means go, yellow means caution and red means stop.   Red doesn’t mean stop only if you sort of want to. 

55.)     Fellow shoppers – just because you have a cart doesn’t mean that you can try to mow over other shoppers who don’t/   The fact that some of you drive a car or other vehicle to get to the store – frankly scares me.   Also would it really hurt some of you to let me or others cut ahead when we only have an item or 2?   Or are struggling to hold a heavy item whilst you have a huge cart load of stuff?  This certainly isn’t required, but sure would be nice. 

66.)    Parents – please don’t expect other shoppers or other diners to look after your kid(s).  Like the parents I saw at a restaurant – let their kid run, roll around on the floor, play with the backs of chairs that other people were sitting in, all while calmly finishing their dinner.   I realize you must want a night out and that managing your kid all the time is probably stressful – but please, hire a sitter or take some responsibility.  Additionally – I enjoy being out.  I don’t like listening to your kid wail through the store.

77.)    Fellow gym users: kindly wipe down the equipment.   I really don’t want to use it with your sweat all over it and I don’t think that it is my responsibility to wipe up your mess.  Also please clear your stuff out of the shower.  Take it with you.  It uses up the space where I could place my bath items which I take out of shower when I’m done.  If I’m in a good mood – I’ll leave them there- figuring your insensitivity to be an oversight on your part.   If I’m in a bad mood I might even throw them away for you – since you cannot seem to be troubled to care for your items.  Additionally please cover your cough or sneeze.  I don’t wish to get your cold or whatever. 

88.)    People everywhere – please keep your word and if you cannot, please let others know.  It really speaks to what sort of person you are. 

I’m not a cynical person, even despite this list…. And I know there are great and decent people too, but these are things I’ve noticed for awhile – that have irritated me.  What do you think?   Is it worse in America?  Or are rude people everywhere?

Happy New Year

I thought I would share this -  this is what I came up with 2012 - and it is more difficult than it seems.

Shouldn't the ultimate New Year's resolution be - being kind to yourself?   It pretty much covers everything, and probably for most people.   Read on.

Make 2012 the Year of Being Kind to Yourself

 

That was a headline I read in today’s local paper.  I didn’t bother to read the article; instead I chose to enjoy my inner monologue. 

Previously I had decided that I should make “lose weight/get in shape” my New Year’s resolution, for the umpteenth time.  (Oh, that’s original.)  Instead I pondered the meaning of being kind to yourself.  Being kind to yourself in respect to diet could mean not holding yourself to rigid food regimes, when you know you’ll rebel.  In turn it could also mean being kind enough, to yourself that you don’t gorge on high fat, high sugar goodies that won’t-be-so-good-for-you in the future. 

But being kind to yourself really has more implications than just diet.  It also means having respect for your own time, making time for things that truly matter like pursuing Spiritual life, spending time with family and friends working on ideas and projects that further your skill set and taking time out to exercise for your health, as well as allowing yourself time to enjoy those time-waster activities. (Facebook, anyone?)

Being kind to yourself means standing up to others when it’s needed.  Being kind to yourself also means having courtesy for others when appropriate.

That said, being kind to yourself means not demanding perfection out of your actions, projects, ideas or work. Being kind to yourself means allowing things to be “good enough”, instead of perfect.  Being kind to yourself means not beating yourself up for eating that extra slice of cake, watching tv an hour longer, or playing that computer game. 

The Bible in the Book of Leviticus (19:18) states to “Love your neighbor as yourself” – how can I do this, when I (doubtless many others as well) don’t even love ourselves correctly.   Perhaps the old adage is correct.   You have to love yourself before anyone else can love you. 

2012 I resolve to be kind to myself.   Doesn’t it really cover everything?